I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
