That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
