you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
