The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
