Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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