she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
