If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could fuck to npr.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
