Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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