She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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