well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
