It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
