By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
