I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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