"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
