as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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