how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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