Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
