Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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