Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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