She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
