Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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