fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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