Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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