Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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