it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
