I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
