oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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