I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
