seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.