So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...