epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours