It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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