My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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