that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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