and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Me too!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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