you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
