listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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