i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
