I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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