It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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