there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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