did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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