he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
