my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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