You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
