Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize