Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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