Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
