any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
