The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
