I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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