from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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