OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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