Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
