Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
