and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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