I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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