ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
