I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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