I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
