Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
