i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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