Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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