You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
