I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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