So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
