hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
why is half of my head shaved?
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