this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
