just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
