oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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